Its Been A Long Time Coming

Its so crazy. My last post was two years ago. So much has happened in those two years, that I have almost completely forgotten about them. Now, I'm here, reading parts of the younger, naïve version of myself. Its refreshing, saddening and over a nostalgic. Let's see if I can even update this overly expressed blog of mine.

I am now graduated. I moved out of my parents house at 17 years of age, nothing was wrong that was how old I was when I gradated. I met the love of my life through an amazing friendship that lead from my freshman year to even now. We are now living together on my sister's property.
I am a college student. Although, I will be taking this next semester off due to lack of discipline and organization.

Just with that paragraph, I realize that I might have been a disappointment to my past, more cheerful self. The fact that I moved out so early, it was because of the cousins coming to live with us. The fact that I moved in with my boyfriend: there is no excuse for this. During my summer year of graduation me and Robert grew closer and closer through numerous rough situations, and I'd rather be next to him than anyone else or even by myself. He happened to feel the same way.

Now, while I sit here making excuses, even though I said "no excuses", for my ungodly behavior, I must state that even though I chose my road, bumpy as it may be, I am learning again to let God take the wheel. He is still my rock, I still talk to Him all the time. I am just now getting back in the hang of using Him in everyday conversation.

So, past self, its been a long time coming. You've been really high times and full of life, but you've had your share of lows some you didn't think you could overcome. But now, we've only got 18 years on us. We've still got a whole life to live. So, don't give up on the developing. There is still so much work to be done.

The joys of being an older sister...

Remember the little kids shows, Max & Ruby? And Little Bill? Even Olivia? Remember how ruby was the big sister who was always trying to keep Max out of trouble and yet also trying to include him in events, well sometimes? Remember Little Bill's big sister and how she looked after him? Remember Olivia the pig who usually gets annoyed with her little brother but she still loves him to pieces?
These little kids displays only some of the difficulties related to being a big sister and the necessity of an older sister and her responsibilities. What they forget to add in to these episodes, is the fact that little brothers grow up.
I guess if they added the teen years into the sequence, then it would no longer be appropriate for the younger children. But maybe it would've given me an idea as to what to do when put into such a situation. Maybe then I wouldn't have been so shaken when hearing the news. Even then, big sisters have a habit of seeing the best in their younger siblings and holding them up to a par that is far above all others. So, in other words, even if I was further warned I would have decided then and there that my brother wouldn't be the one to fall into that trap. In even other words than I already said, I would be biased. It wasn't bad being biased, but it was bad assuming that nothing like that could happen to your dear little boy. But it did. Max & Ruby didn't prepare me for this. I don't know exactly how I'm suppose to handle this situation.

All I know, is that my little brother, isn't the sweet and innocent little boy I once knew. He's grown up so much, and so fast. I wish I could rewind time back to when he was scared of getting cooties and I'd just freeze it there. I mean I could grow, of course, but he couldn't. I know that wouldn't be fair... But I'm being selfish. 

BAM! Realization!!

You know how life has its ways of bringing truth to light? Sometimes its a real slap in the face or a "face palm" where you basically slap yourself in the face. Well, I have recently encountered such an experience. Except this realization is still processing, it was not like a sudden revelation. But more of truth in disguise creeping its way to the center of my attention.

You know how, in my previous blog, I had mentioned that "no good guy is interested in me". Remember that? Well even if you were hit with amnesia you could re-read it on my page. However, if you are not suffering from amnesia you must then understand that I was completely wrong in stating that.

In the last two days, or maybe even last two weeks, I've been confronted with a fellow who had once liked me, but because I couldn't see past his outer appearance I didn't like him back. I realize how shallow this is, but recently I've come to know that he's a really sweet guy, who's fun, and nice to hang around, and that I shouldn't have just judged him like that. He is in a relationship though, and they're both so cute together. And it's not like I have feelings for him, but I realized that there was a diamond in the rough.

Due to this lesson, I have challenged myself to see deeper than the physical, and in doing so, I've realized that a lot of "good" guys liked me. But because they weren't also "good-looking" I turned them away.

Lesson learned.